Taffy "Miracle Shining" Anderson (miracleshining) wrote,
Taffy "Miracle Shining" Anderson

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FIC: Impasse (Chapter Nine)

Ohayo, minnasan, I hope everyone out there in Cyberland is doing well! I had a very busy week, but my "Get Your Gackt On" Party went really well! I think everyone had a fun time and watching the concert was really enjoyable! ::smiles:: I'm hoping to throw another one when I get the "Diabolos" concert. On a bonus side, Chani has agreed to be my "You" for next year, so we're going to do a Gackt and You duo cosplay. (Probably the "Dread Pirate Gackt and You" outfits from his "Diabolos" concert.)

Also, and very importantly, thank you to merry_treat for hosting Genki no Cosplay at the BHSU Anime Club on Friday night. We really loved being there and each and every one of you were so kind to us. I hope that we'll continue to work and play together in the future! Anything you need at all, please contact myself or Bunny (Shareece)! Thank you again

Now, for the next chapter of my fic. To say that I was not emotionally exhausted after writing this part would be a lie. This probably was the most difficult chapter that I have had to write so far because of the depth of feeling I had in composing it. But for me it was all worth it for the very last line of the chapter. I live for those three little words. I hope everyone enjoys! Ja ne! =~.^=V

By: Miracle Shining

PAIRINGS: HanHae, HanTeuk, TeukHae, HanTeukHae, SiHan (past tense), KyuMin, ShinChul, etc.
RATINGS: PG-13 to NC-17 (will be notated if NC-17)
GROUPS: Super Junior, DBSK, Kitty GYM, KAT-TUN
GENRE: Action/Romance/Angst
WARNINGS: Violence, Sexual Situations, Dark Themes, Character Death
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Don't own them, never will, but thanks for reading!
SUMMARY: AU Storyline~In the South Korean underworld, a popular form of entertainment is fighting matches. Men are judged by the fighters they own. A troubled fighter with a past catches the attention of two long time friends and may lead them both to the brink of obsession.


CHAPTER NINE: Sorting the Rubble

The tears slowed and Hankyung finally drew back from Donghae's embrace. He looked uncomfortable by his sudden display of broken emotion. The taller man drew in his breath and then barely turned his eyes to look away from Donghae's concerned face. The smaller young man said nothing. The silence hung in the air between them. Finally, the brunette spoke very softly.

"I shouldn't have watched that." he whispered, his voice cracking.

"No, you shouldn't have." Hankyung responded.

Donghae nodded slightly. He brought his fingernail to his mouth and began to bite on the edge. He was surprised when he felt Hankyung's hand over his.

"You'll break it." the man said very quietly.

"Teukieah always tells me that." Donghae answered, not sure what else to say.

Again the two men were quiet. Donghae wondered absently if this show of emotion from Hankyung was a knee jerk reaction to having him watch such a private moment. It seemed like he had almost drawn the fighter out of his shell and now he had ruined any chance with him. He didn't realize that he had water dripping down past his eyelashes until he felt a gentle hand against his cheek. He blinked and looked to see that Hankyung was touching him. His fingertips were rough, almost like gritted sandpaper, yet very light as the pads of his thumbs began to swipe away the rebellious saline.

"Don't." the Chinese man whispered. "Don't cry for me. I'm not worth it."

"You're wrong!" Donghae suddenly blurted then covered his mouth. He swallowed back the wave of sadness threatening to drown him before he spoke again. "You are worth something! That man, that Siwon, he saw it!"

Siwon's name yanked at Hankyung's heart. But the pull was far from brutal any more. He gazed into Donghae's dark eyes and saw such a series of torrid feelings seem to dance through them. There was anger, sadness, heartbreak but also something else. A glimmer of hope sparkled amongst the depths and then below the hope there was something else there. A feeling Hankyung wasn't sure he was ready to accept because he didn't understand himself what he was experiencing. But it was there and it was beckoning. He realized then he was so tired of being alone.

"Siwon was my life." Hankyung finally said.

Donghae looked down at his hands and nodded. He didn't quite know what to think at the moment. It was obvious to him that this Siwon had been Hankyung's other half, even his soul mate. Somehow sitting here now made him feel very small. He felt inside that he would never live up to this man that had been so engraved in the other's life.

"He must have been amazing." Donghae barely spoke.

"He was." Hankyung said softly. "He was my fighting partner, he was my lover, he was my life. I lost him over three years ago."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are." the Chinese man said in the most gentle voice Donghae had ever heard him speak in. He blinked a few times before looking up to see Hankyung almost smiling. It was a bittersweet expression and it made Donghae's heart hurt.

"What happened to him?"

"He was shot and died in the hospital." Hankyung responded. "The bullet went through him and..."

The taller man paused and then very carefully drew off his black tanktop. He reached back and began to take off the bandages that were secured to hold his cracked ribs. The white gauze unraveled like spiraling ribbons before they fell just under his pectoral muscles. Donghae's eyes grew wide as he saw the puckered scar on Hankyung's otherwise unmarred skin.

"...Went into me. They got it out and I survived. But I think I died in the ER that night."

The smaller young man gazed at the wound and then lifted his hand. Unsure of what to do, he reached out a trembling finger and let the tip just graze over the old scar. Hankyung drew in his air quickly and Donghae pulled his hand away just as rapidly.

"I'm s-s-sorry!" he stuttered out.

"No, no, it's all right." Hankyung said very softly. "No one has touched my scar besides me."

Donghae swallowed and then reached out his hand again. He let the pads of his fingertips trace the strange circular shape of the mark. The skin felt overly smooth, almost slick in texture. However, the ridges where the skin had grown together were bumped and made it look like the flesh was pulled a little too tight. The coloring was off slightly, making the mark obvious against Hankyung's delicate skin tone.

"Does it still hurt?"

"Some times when I am very cold it bothers me."

"Oh." Donghae said quietly. He touched the scar a little more before glancing up at Hankyung. The gaze the man was giving him made him flush. His eyes were unreadable yet there almost looked like there was an underlying heat starting from the very depths of Hankyung's body.

Donghae coughed slightly and then winced as he was reminded all too well of his own injury. The Chinese man looked him over without a thought. He reached out and drew up the little bit of fabric on Donghae's t-shirt. Hankyung frowned visibly as he could see that a little blood had seeped through the bandaging.

"Where is that little kit they sent with you?"

"Um, I think it's where you hung the coats. It's okay, you don't have too..."

The white haired man had already risen from his spot. Donghae watched him move with such grace, even as he walked, he thought Hankyung looked like he was dancing. The older man got the case and crossed the room again. He knelt down and opened up the pack. He drew out a small cleansing cloth, a new wrap and some securing tape. He reached out then and carefully drew back the bloodied cloth on Donghae's shoulder. The wound itself was not deep but was still enough to cause a noticeable scar. Hankyung swallowed once and then finally spoke.

"I'm sorry for this. That you had to be involved. I wish I had never spoken to you after the party."

Donghae paused at those words as Hankyung began to dab away the little bit of blood with the cleansing cloth.

".....I'm not."

The older man drew the cloth back and looked at Donghae.

"You're not?" he questioned quietly.

"No, I'm not. I saw how you looked that night. That moment when that sword just missed your throat? I saw that look on your face. It was disappointment. Like your mind wanted to die, but your body just wouldn't let you. Like it was on auto pilot or something and you couldn't really control it's reactions."

Hankyung said nothing for a few long moments. Instead he focused on placing the new gauze pads over the wound. He carefully unrolled the new bandages and began to wrap it around Donghae's shoulder. The process was precise and everything was held together by two small secure tape strips. Hankyung drew his hands back looking mildly pleased at the work. He then finally spoke again.

"You were right. That night I wished I had perished on the sword. But I knew I couldn't. Or my body in least couldn't. I still wanted revenge for what had been done to Siwon."

Hankyung saw Donghae shake his head then. The smaller man looked like he truly torn at the moment.


"Revenge, revenge, revenge. It's all I hear about. Everyone wants revenge." his voice shook as he spoke. "I don't know why it has to be that way. Things happen people, whether they're good or bad, it's just how life works."

Hankyung realized that perhaps Donghae had simply said what everyone in the past week had been trying to drive into his head. His life had so consumed with the desire to seek retribution that he had shut himself off from the world. He also knew at that moment Siwon would have never wanted him to have been that way. He would have wanted him to live even after he was gone. To find joy and most of all, to live a good life and love again.

"It's hard to let go of those feelings, Donghae."

"I know." he nodded, his words hiccuping slightly with unshed tears. "I just don't understand is all. I'm a bit of an idiot when it comes to a lot of this stuff."

"No, never that." Hankyung quickly replied. "You're still an innocent in so many ways and I envy that."



"What did happen that night you lost Siwon?"

The Chinese man paused and then moved to sit next to Donghae. He gazed out the darkening window. The water slid down the panes in an almost hypnotizing manner. The thunder rumbled and a streak of lightning played in the distance. Hankyung focused his eyes on that flash and then began to speak very softly.

"It was over three years ago on my twentieth birthday..."


(Over Three Years Ago)

"Come on, Hannieah, we're going to be late!" came a chipper voice from behind the Chinese man.

"How are we going to be late, you're taking me to dinner, remember?"

"Reservations don't last forever, Hangeng."

Hangeng laughed warmly at that and turned from the mirror. He had just finished straightening out his light brown hair to keep it out of his eyes. The man standing at the doorway of the bathroom was clad in a slim fitting black silk shirt and a nicely cut black jacket and pants. His hair waved slightly from his face and his dark eyes sparkled in the low light.

"You're looking exceptionally handsome this evening." the man commented. "I don't know, we might not make it to dinner."

The Chinese man rolled his eyes and smoothed down the expensive white silk shirt he was wearing over his tan slacks.

"I don't know why you insist I wear these shirts, Siwon. They're so pricey."

"Come on, Hangeng, we finally have money to afford them. After that fight a couple nights ago, we won't have to work for at least another month."

Hangeng frowned slightly then.

"What do you think happened to that fighter I was in the ring with?"

"Him? I don't know." Siwon said softly. "Hey, remember it wasn't your fault though. You didn't know about his back injury."

Hangeng bit his lip slightly and then barely nodded.

"I still feel like I'm responsible."

Siwon walked over and slid his arms around the slightly smaller man's waist.

"Hey, it's your birthday. No brooding tonight, okay?"

The light haired man looked at Siwon and then nodded slightly. He smiled the moment his partner smiled, white teeth shimmering.


"Are you two just going to stand there in the bathroom or are you going?" came a voice from behind.

The two men turned to see a much smaller young man wrapped up in a blanket holding a cup of tea. He smiled at the two of them as he scurried over to the couch to sit down. Siwon and Hangeng both gazed at him with a mutual look of concern.

"Are you sure you're going to be all right by yourself, bro?" Siwon questioned the frail looking man.

"Yes, I'll be fine. It's just a cough. Besides, I've got someone coming over tonight." the youth said with a slight blush.

"Ooh, and who is that?" Siwon couldn't help but tease him. The blush grew bigger on the other's cheek before Hangeng scolded Siwon gently.

"Don't tease Ryeowook so, Siwon. It's bad enough he has to put up with both of us when he's well." Hangeng chided.

"See? Hyung will always be on my side." Ryeowook said smartly.

"Only because you're cute and small."

"But mostly cute." Ryeowook corrected before he started coughing again. Siwon's expression turned sober as he walked over and sat beside his little brother on the couch. He leaned in and pressed his ear to the smaller man's chest.

"Siwon, it's fine!" he snapped a little too quickly. He then looked apologetic at his older brother. "I'm sorry, it's just you two worry too much about me. It's just a chest cold, I'll get over it."

"You keep saying that but that cough has been getting worse. Why won't you go to the doctor, Wookieah?" Siwon questioned.

"I swear, I'm fine, hyung." Ryeowook responded. "Now you two better get going to dinner or you'll be late. Don't worry, I'll be taken care of."

"Speaking of that, what's this guy's name?"

"I'm not telling you."

"And why not?"

"Because knowing you, you'll make fun of his name. But I will tell you if things go well, I might be able to move out and not put up with both of you any more."

"So you're dating him for apartment benefits?"

"No!" Ryeowook quickly defended himself and then a very obvious blush came across his cheeks. "He's a pretty good kisser too."

"Oooh, now you have to tell me what's going on..."

"OUT!" Hangeng said quickly and pulled Siwon off the couch, pushing him toward the door. The Chinese man did pause a moment and turned to look at his surrogate little brother.

"If you need anything, you need to call our cell phones, all right? As much fuss as Siwon is making, he's right. That cough isn't getting any better."

"I know, hyung. Just go and enjoy yourself, I'll be fine I swear."

The two men had a moment of doubt cross their face before Ryeowook's annoyed expression had them fleeing out the door. The two walked down the steps of their apartment building and then out onto the street. Siwon held out his hand and hailed a taxi. The vehicle pulled up to a slowing hault. A man with shaded glasses and dark hair just brushing over his lenses looked out at the two of them.

"Where are you heading?" he asked mildly. A glint of a white incisor peered through his barely there half smile.

Siwon gave him the address as they crawled in. Hangeng raised an eyebrow as he looked at his partner.

"I thought you were taking me for a traditional Chinese dinner."

"We will, I just have to stop and get something first."

The taxi pulled off from the curb and headed toward the destination. Neither men chatting lightly in the back seat noticed the driver watching them closely, a sneer playing over his features. His fingers tapped on a handgun hidden under some magazines in the front seat.

The taxi arrived at the front of what looked like an old abandoned nightclub. Siwon crawled out and pulled Hangeng out with him. He leaned over and handed the driver his money.

"Thanks for the trip."

"Oh don't worry, we'll be seeing each other again very soon." he said lightly. "After all, I like to do things like paint the roses red."

Siwon's eyebrow raised at that as the taxi driver pulled off and disappeared around the corner.

"Creepy guy." Hangeng finally said.

"Aren't most taxi drivers?" Siwon replied. The two men then laughed.

"Now why are we here?"

"I told you, we need to pick something up."

"What in the world would we need in a place like this?"

"Just come on."

Siwon took Hangeng's hand and pushed open the doorway into the old building. The place was terribly dark and smelled just slightly musty.

"Siwonnieah, if this is a really bad prank that you and Ryeowook have set up, I'm going to be very upset with..."


Hangeng stopped where he was standing. The lights came up and inside was Kangin along with a number of fighters and trainers in their circuit. Hangeng stood frozen in his place before turning and giving a mock scowl to Siwon. The man just laughed and pulled the Chinese man against him, kissing him firmly on the lips.

"Hey now!" Kangin interrupted. "Let's try and save some of that for the bedroom!"

The whole group laughed as the duo split apart. Their trainer approached both of them with two large cups holding some dark lagers inside.

"Happy birthday, Dancer. You've both come a long way and have a good reason to celebrate."

"Thank you, Boss." Hangeng responded as he and Siwon took the cups.

"Ryeowook isn't here?"

Siwon shook his head, looking mildly distressed.

"No, that cough he has has gotten worse and he refuses to go to the doctor. But apparently he has a 'special friend' coming over tonight. He met some guy who he apparently wants to move in with."

"Damn, that works out well."

"What do you mean?" Hangeng questioned.

"I have a couple of my trainers coming tonight to meet you both for the first time. Lee Eunhyuk and Park Yoochun."

"Oh yah, they work for that one investor. What's his name? Junsu, I think?" Siwon asked.

Kangin nodded.

"Yup, they've got a couple fighters working under them and are currently training two new trainers. Xiah Junsu is the man to get a job under, guys. We can say goodbye to these dirty pits and smelly arenas then."

"Maybe I like the dirt and the grime." Siwon corrected.

"I just think you're a very dirty guy." Hangeng said with a smirk.

Siwon rolled his eyes before he looked over the crowd of associates they all had.

"Jin and Kame didn't make it?"

"Nope, looks like Jin is going to have to retire." Kangin said with a slightly grim look on his face. "Last fight he killed his opponent again. He's just too lethal."

"That's really a shame." Siwon commented. "I always liked sparring with him."

"Even if the way you two sparred made me want to have a heart attack some times." Hangeng responded lightly.

"Enough talk of business! It's your birthday Dancer, so let's celebrate! Go, eat, drink and be mellow or something like that!"

The trio laughed and then joined in the festivities of Hangeng's birthday party.

The alcohol had flowed in abundence as the early evening turned into night time. Hangeng was pleasantly tipsy but not quite drunk. He leaned on Siwon's shoulder and closed his eyes for a moment.


"Mmm?" he hummed.

"Let's go for a walk."


Siwon smiled a little tispy himself and took Hangeng by the hand. The two waved at Kangin for a moment and gestured that they were going out for a little bit. The man nodded and went back to chatting with another fighter while waiting for his two guests.

The air was a little cool as the duo stepped out on the street. They wandered down the sidewalk playfully jumping over cracks and taking turns spinning in a circle around a nearby street lamp. The two turned the corner and then walked down another sidewalk. Another left and they were now standing on a desolate stretch of silent road. An occassional car would pass by as the two of them leaned against a nearby building. Hangeng pushed off and then spun a couple times on his toes. He laughed warmly, gazing up at the moon and then felt a set of arms come around his waist. Siwon looked at him, his expression serious but very loving.



"Promise me we'll always be together."

Hangeng nodded then and leaned in. He felt the most gentle of brushes against his lips and then something felt incredibly hot in his chest. It burned so deep that he swore the very insides of his body were igniting on fire. He looked down to see blood starting to color his own chest. His expensive silk shirt was starting to darken with maroon. There was a brief silence in front of him and then Hangeng saw light in the most unusual of places. He could make out the lamp across the street through a tinted passage. It took him a moment to realize he was staring through a hole blasted through bone and tissue in front him. His eyes went back to Siwon.

"Didn't... See that... One coming..." Siwon coughed.

Hangeng felt Siwon sliding down in front of him. The smell of blood was almost overpowering and his partner's eyes were starting to roll back. Hangeng felt his mind turning into a hazy mess inside of his head. He tried to hold onto Siwon as he his life force dripped onto the sidewalk, staining the cement in it's wake.

"HELP ME, SOMEONE HELP ME!!" Hangeng screamed out. He was feeling faint. The words were difficult to shout and it was becoming harder and harder to breathe.

Somehow he managed to fish out his cell phone. His fingers smeared over the buttons, but 911 was finally dialed.

"This is 911, what is your emergency?" came a concerned female voice over the other end.

"Please, help us!" Hangeng spoke accidentally in his native tongue, unable to think through in Korean.

"I'm sorry sir, I don't understand you. What is happening?"

"Please, help us!!" Hangeng screamed into the phone in Chinese. "He's dying, he's dying!! Help us!!"

Hangeng couldn't say anything else as blood started to well up into his mouth. He felt the coughing begin and collapsed over Siwon's body, heaving out red stained saliva through his lips.

A nearby car slowed down and saw the two men lying in their current state. A man and his wife stepped out and immediately the man dialed 911. Hangeng vaguely knew something was going on in the distance. His head had fallen just over Siwon's chest. He could still hear him breathing but his heartbeat seemed to be slowing. Like a metronome running out of time.

"Please, help..." Hangeng muttered in Chinese.

He didn't know when the ambulance had arrived but he he woke up slightly to see the ceiling of the vehicle. He knew they were moving and strange men were speaking to him. He couldn't see Siwon though. He tried to find his partner but found that he was strapped down to a kind of bed. The sound of sirens played distantly in his mind.

He suddenly felt overly cool air and then there was a nauseating smell of chemicals. He could vaguely hear the words of some kind of doctor saying they needed to remove a bullet that was apparently lodged in his chest. The strange bed he was strapped to came to rest inside of a too bright room. The straps were pulled free from him as people began to surround the bed. His eyes focused enough to make out the IV dangling from his arm. A curtain was drawn between him and another bed next to him. He realized when he heard the soft cry that it was Siwon's voice.

"Damn, this kid's a mess. Hey, grab me another patch. We're losing him!!!..."

All Hangeng could think about that moment was getting to Siwon. He forced himself up from the bed that he was laying upon. Two male nurses saw him attempt to get up. They both converged on him trying to get him to lay down. Hangeng's fighting instinct immediately kicked in and he easily knocked the two nurses unconcious. His head was spinning as he commanded his legs to work for him. The curtain blocked him for only a moment. However, the amount of blood he had already lost caused his body to rebel for the first of many times against his mind. He collapsed in front of the foot of the bed in the other room.

He could hear the doctors as unconciousness began to play in the corners of his mind. The darkness was filling up his inner self like bricks falling from the sky and landing in perfect alignment. The words set the foundation to harden his soul.

"Get that kid out of here!... We're... Dammit..."

"Should we call it?"


"Choi Siwon, time of death 10:15 p.m., February 9th."

Hangeng didn't remember when he had started screaming or if he had ever quit. But Siwon's name fell over and over again from his lips and then there was silence.

He remembered slightly waking up periodically always in a cold sweat and sobbing or thrashing violently. It was on the fourth day that he woke up screaming Siwon's name. His throat was raw and he could taste bile painting the flesh inside. He looked over then and saw a young man sitting in a chair. He was wearing a simple suit. His hair was slightly messed and he pushed his glasses up onto his nose.

"Hangeng?" he asked simply.

The Chinese man nodded eyeing this new visitor suspiciously.

"My name is Kim Kibum. I represent Xiah Junsu, an investor who is interested in purchasing you for private fights."

Hangeng nodded slightly. The last thing he was interested in at the moment was fighting but he remembered the name Xiah Junsu for some odd reason. However, the next words this Kim Kibum spoke to him caught his attention.

"I know that last night you suffered a very tragic event. We have not been able to get in contact with your trainer. However, I assure you that if you come to work for my investor, we can guarantee that a certain amount of pay back or revenge if you would like to put it so bluntly, will be exacted for your loss."

The Chinese man's expression was blank. Kibum looked unimpressed but folded his hands on his lap.

"When you're ready to return to training, Junsu would like you to come and stay at his home."

Hangeng was silent and then looked up at his wires. He began to pull them out of his arms. The burn was mild compared to the anger that was starting to settle inside his heart. The alarms went off and soon there were two male nurses in the room. Hangeng easily knocked both of them out. He heard the slight pop of one of their necks. He knew he hadn't killed the man, but most likely he would need a neck brace. He turned his now cooled eyes to see that Kibum looked mildly impressed by the display of strength. He simply gestured to the door.

"Well then, shall we go, Hangeng?"

Hangeng briefly thought about the words that his father had taught him. Only a few days earlier he had quoted those words to his now lost Siwon.

"Remember to always stay at peace, son. Keep yourself open like waves of the ocean."

He paused at that thought and looked down at his chest. The gown billowed open, showing the bandage that covered up the bullet hole. Hangeng's eyes darkened.

"No, not any more. Today I close myself off. Today the first brick of the wall will be set." he thought distantly to himself.

"Hangeng?" Kibum questioned, interrupting the taller man's private thoughts.

"Don't call me that any more. That part of me is gone." Hangeng replied almost too quickly. "Give me a new name."

Kim Kibum nodded and escorted the Chinese man, still wearing his gown, out of the hospital door. The two walked down the hallway, ignoring the stares and objections from the staff. Kibum led him out to where a lavish car was waiting for them. The driver opened the door and Hangeng and Kibum slid in. The smaller man opened his laptop and then looked up at Hangeng.

"Do you want me to contact your trainer or anyone else?"

Hangeng thought about Kangin and then about Ryeowook. Something inside of him felt so hardened. The wall that was quickly forming seemed too high to scale and he realized at that moment he had no urge to attempt the feat. Instead, he found security in the bitterness that was starting to overtake him. He felt no guilt as he said the next simple word.

"No." he finally responded.

"So be it." Kibum stated simply. He typed on his laptop for a few moments before nodding then and looking back at the Chinese man.

"As of today, you're now a Korean citizen and you will be known by that pronunciation. Congratulations, Hankyung."

The man formerly known as Hangeng gazed out the window and barely acknowledged his new name.

"Siwon, I will be with you soon, I swear."


Donghae didn't even know how long he had wept after Hankyung had finished the story. All he knew was that his eyes were burning and he felt like he had rubbed his skin free from underneath his lashes. The Chinese man had been silent seeming lost in his own thoughts. He finally turned his attention back to Donghae. Without thought he took his discarded tanktop and then began to wipe off Donghae's face. The man sniffled a bit more and tried his hardest to get himself under control.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." he whispered over and over.

"No, don't be any more, Donghae." Hankyung said quietly. "So much has happened since I met you. So much has changed for me. I know that Siwon would not have wanted me to live this way."

"What... What ever happened to Ryeowook?" Donghae managed to squeak out.

"I don't know." Hankyung said wearily. "I was so obsessed with having my revenge, I didn't care what happened to anyone else. I lost Kangin to the bottle and I don't know if Wookieah is even alive any more. Then you found me in that room after the party, then Kangin came back, then the fight and now... I just... I..."

Hankyung lowered his head, the white hair covering up his face. The man drew in a couple deep breaths before shaking his head. He focused on a calm spirit and finally drew himself back up again. Donghae just looked at him before pressing against his side. The man felt himself being pulled down until they were both resting on their sides on the rich wooden floors. Hankyung felt his body stiffen instinctively, not used to any physical contact, especially as much as he had recently received. Donghae simply laid there next to the older man with his one hand resting lightly on Hankyung's shoulder.

"This isn't good for your injury." Hankyung finally said, unable to think of much else.

"It's not good for your ribs." Donghae returned. "We're both tired though."

The white haired man knew this fact and then nodded slightly. Donghae scooted in a bit closer. He was laying on the side with his good shoulder and though he didn't exactly touch Hankyung, he remained in a proximity to do so. Hankyung remained there looking at the youth. Donghae had moved away his hand from the taller man and had curled his fingers on the floor. They continued to just stare at each other. Hankyung watched as the exhaustion from everything that had happened to Donghae and the emotional stress from the story took over. The young man's dark eyelashes fluttered and he yawned. After a couple more attempts to keep his eyes open, Hankyung finally rested his hand barely on Donghae's hip.


"But what about you?" Donghae murmured.

Hankyung never got to answer before he heard soft breathing over take his companion. Hankyung laid there watching Donghae. He didn't know when his own eyes closed and the weariness took him over.

The two men rested there uninterrupted. The rain continued to pour down over the expansive mansion. Hankyung suddenly woke and sat up with a start. An exceptionally loud crack of thunder shook his picture windows. He blinked a few times realizing that he had actually slept almost peacefully. His eyes turned to see that Donghae was looking at him through half lidded lashes. The touches of drowsiness were still evident on his face. The older man laid down partially, propping himself up on his elbows to gaze down at the younger man.

"Is something wong?" he asked softly.

"Yes." Hankyung responded.

"What is it?" Donghae's expression was already starting to look distressed.

"I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

"...Of you." Hankyung finally said.

"Why?" Donghae whispered very quietly.

"Because of what might happen."

The young man bit his bottom lips slightly and then carefully spoke his next words.

"If we live our whole lives in fear, Hankyung, we'll never know what will happen in the future."

The words struck a chord deep inside the other man. He wet his lips slightly and then spoke softly.

"I'm afraid of what will happen right now."

"What do you mean?"

"What happens if I need to be with you every moment, if I can't imagine being without you? What then?"

Donghae slid a little closer to Hankyung. He raised himself up a little on his good arm, raising himself up slightly. Their lips were as close as they had been the first time the two met after the premiere party. Donghae's face looked unsure, but his words spoke otherwise, a mere whisper against Hankyung's own.

"....then enslave me."

Tags: donghae, hanhae, hankyung, impasse, super junior
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